Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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