so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
