its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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