I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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