i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
