Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
