While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Randomize
