I like my sex mixed with concussions.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
