she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
