his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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