I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
