I can text with my tongue
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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