dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
