i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
