i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
