I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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