found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
