does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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