Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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