I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Randomize
