one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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