Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
