why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
