I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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