Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
