so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I skipped work to stalk him.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
