What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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