I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
