are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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