I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
my liver is dry heaving
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
