like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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