i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
