If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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