just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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