So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
