my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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