are you still at the devil's house?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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