Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
