I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
