**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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