Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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