I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
