mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
