His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
