I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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