i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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