A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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