It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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