I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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