i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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