at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
