Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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