Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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