what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
