So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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