I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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