i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
